Posts Tagged ‘ marty allen ’

Wrong Allen Asked to Throw Out First Pitch

martyold.jpgFairfax, VA—An embarrassing mistake for Gray Sox team officials came to light early Wednesday morning when it was revealed that washed-up comedian Marty Allen was asked to throw out the first pitch on opening day April 6. A Gray Sox official confirmed that a junior PR staff member was supposed to ask baseball great Dick Allen to make the ceremonial toss, but confused the two men. “The junior staff member clearly made a mistake and contacted Marty’s people instead of Dick’s people,” said a chagrined Buddy “Buzz” Mangrove, vice president of marketing for the ball club. “It certainly surprised me that Marty Allen was asked to throw out the first pitch, but what surprised me even more is that Marty is still alive. I thought he died from food poisoning. I guess that was some other regular on the Hollywood Squares.” Mangrove was later told by reporters that Allen still performs in Vegas and was not a regular on Hollywood Squares. What’s truly baffling team officials is how the junior staff member could have confused Marty Allen with baseball great and sideburn legend Dick Allen.Image of Dick Allen, baseball player for Oakland Athletics

Word from Marty Allen’s PR representatives in Las Vegas has been a mix of befuddlement and earnest conviction. “When we first heard about the request from the Gray Sox, Mr. Allen said, ‘Enough wid dis baseball and da leather and the balls already. Gimme a good Asian back rub!’ He then welled up with tears and cried like a baby in my lap for several minutes. He was touched by the Sox gesture,” said Allen spokesman Morty Mortensen. “While Mr. Allen has to open a Waffle House just beyond the Strip the same day, he’s more than willing to fly anywhere in the world to honor the game of baseball.” Gray Sox player rep and spokesman, Jimmy “Dinks” Knowlan, will be receiving the first pitch from Marty Allen. “I just hope the old guy doesn’t have a stroke on the mound,” he said. “I don’t know a lick of CPR.”

 

(Story by Monty Huekle, a reporter for BBN. This story was not subject to the approval of MSBL or its clubs.)

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