Posts Tagged ‘ hillbilly night ’

Drunk Hillbilly Night Postponed

crazed fan


Fairfax, VA—The season opener for the Sox was postponed on Sunday, which also washed out the team’s first promotion, the popular “Drunk Hillbilly Night.” For more than 25 years, dim-witted fans from the holler have taken a break from chopping countless cords of firewood and shooting feral cats to trek to the first Sox game of the season. The first 250 drunk hillbillies at the game are given empty beer bottles and are asked to do what comes naturally. “As they say in the holler, it’s quite a hootenanny,” said Sox owner Hiram “Happy” Maloney. “Some hillbillies break the bottles over the head of the guy sitting next to him; some will try to impale Shempy the Sock, our hand-puppet mascot; and some will simply try to screw the bottles into each ear for no apparent reason. Last year, we gave a case of Shempy burgers to a hillbilly who drilled the bottles into her ear canals. It was great family fun and just the type of good time Hillbilly Night represents.”


(Story by Monty Huekle, a reporter for BBN. This story was not subject to the approval of MSBL or its clubs.)