Posts Tagged ‘ Baseball ’

Sex, Drugs, Bonnaroo…and Baseball?

Fairfax, VA—In yet another public relations gaffe committed by the Gray Sox, thousands of hopeful teenagers and twentysomethings converged on the team’s stadium this weekend for what they thought would be a celebration of sex, drugs and the music festival Bonnaroo. (The real Bonnaroo festival, held for three days in mid-June in Manchester, TN, featured such musical luminaries as Pearl Jam, Kanye West, and Death Cab for Cutie.)

The young people were lured to Shrine Field by what they thought would be “Bonnaroo 2—A Love-in With Purpose.” A flood of Gray Sox PR efforts touted the so-called Bonnaroo 2 for weeks. Unfortunately for the estimated 10,000 young people who made the pilgrimage, Bonnaroo 2 wasn’t a cultural or musical festival at all. Instead, the event simply marked the promotion of a new player from the team’s AAA team in Des Moines: Jesus Bonnaroo, a promising infielder from the Dominican Republic who made news while in Des Moines because of an accident involving farm equipment and several homing pigeons.

No Sex, No Drugs, But Free Hot Dogs


bonnaroo attendees

Confused "Bonnaroo 2" attendees wait outside Shrine Field. "And where the hell is Death Cab for Cutie?" said Marty Boardman (pictured, center). "I traveled from Massachusetts to see lousy baseball? This is a clear case of entrapment, and I'd talk to my attorney if I had one."

 “I don’t understand how this could have happened,” said a confused teenager. “We had such a great time at Bonnaroo in June, so we thought the promoters were just following up with another show by calling it ‘Bonnaroo 2.’ News spread fast online. We just text-messaged friends, and it snow balled, I guess. Here we are. I just really need to take a piss.” 

“I love young people coming out to the park to watch the Sox,” said Sox owner Hiram “Happy” Maloney. “It shows the strength of our great game of baseball. We gave them each a complimentary hot dog and wished them a safe trip home.”

The young rowdies tossed the hot dogs on to the field followed by “assorted ointments, gels, and paperback copies of The Chronicles of Narnia,” according to members of the stadium’s field crew.

(Story Monty Huekle, a reporter for BBN. This story was not subject to the approval of MSBL or its teams.)