Sad Sacks: Sox Pitcher Traded for 5 Ferrets, Flat-Screen TV

Fairfax, VA—As the MSBL trade deadline approaches on Thursday, the Gray Sox announced the trade of relief pitcher Sorrel Sacks to the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters of the Japanese Baseball League for five ferrets and a flat-screen TV. 

 

Yoshii Min, ferret trainer for the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters, shows off one of the ferrets traded to the Gray Sox for relief pitcher Sorrel Sacks.

Yoshii Min, ferret trainer for the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters, shows off one of the ferrets traded to the Gray Sox for relief pitcher Sorrel Sacks.

“I’ve often heard guys joke around that so-and-so was traded for a bag of balls, but I’ve never heard of someone literally being swapped for commodities that have no ability to help this baseball team,” said Sox team spokesman Jimmy “Dinks” Knowlan. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a ferret turn a [expletive] 6-4-3 double play. I’m starting to wonder if management has some other agenda they’re not sharing with us.”

Sacks: “I Should Have Seen It Coming”

Sorrel Sacks said he should have seen the writing on the wall a week ago when the team equipment manager placed ferret feed in Sacks’ locker instead of his uniform. I thought it was pretty strange, but I guess it all makes sense now,” said a clearly upset Sacks. “I even snacked on some of the feed and chased it with a beer. It really wasn’t that bad, to tell you the truth.” Sacks had a career 2-24 record with the Sox, and he was perhaps best known for accidentally inhaling and swallowing a large moth during a humid and bug-filled evening in 2006. He choked, lost consciousness, and was revived by team trainers on the mound. “From that point on, I always pitched with my mouth closed,” Sacks said yesterday. “It was a life lesson.”

(By Monty Huekle, staff writer for BBN. This story was not subject to the approval of MSBL or its teams.)

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    • Righty Jones, (former minor league loss leader)
    • July 30th, 2008

    This has to be a conspiracy! Let’s face it, ferrets…friggin’ ferrets…..! I just don’t know what to say.

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