Sox Fan Sues Team | “Over-Clapping” Blamed

Woman Sues Sox 

Fairfax, VA—Betty Lynn Bernanski swears she clapped so hard at Gray Sox games last year that her right hand became deformed. “Like a crab claw,” said the 26 year old who claims to be a lifetime Sox fan. The woman is suing the franchise for several million dollars, according to her attorney Marty Brown. “Betty Lynn can’t even pet her cats without poking them in the eyes. They run from her when she returns to her apartment after work,” said Brown. “It’s all because of the Sox. The team edged her on for support, and she gave it to them. This is a classic case of over-clapping.”           “I’m not sure we’ve even seen this woman before,” said Sox owner Hiram “Happy” Maloney. “We’ve given her nothing to clap about anyway.”

 

(Story by Monty Huekle, a reporter for BBN. This story was not subject to the approval of MSBL or its clubs.)

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    • Silky
    • April 1st, 2008

    My God!!

    • Marvin “Hot Dog Vendor” Cipher
    • April 1st, 2008

    While Betty Lynn, oh by the way I’m glad you clarified the bet we had going on in the stands, I’m glad to say that I racked in a good 5 Ben Franklins that he was a she – well in the stands we just called it “Pat” to be safe. Anyway, I’m shocked that Pat er Betty Lynn is claiming this was from “over-clapping”, I may be needed as a witness because Pat has told me that she bends her fingers that way so she can hold 1 hotdog to eat while having 4 on deck with 2 stacked up between each set of her fingers. I’ve seen her put down a whole 8 pack of hotdogs before the Gray Sox even take the field – she is the only one I’ve ever seen take care of an 8 pack of hotdogs and a 10 pack of buns in one sitting – the Vendors usually just settle up next to her for an inning or 2. Pat likes to clean the way for her hands to continue ‘clapping’ when her favorite player Silky Wilky takes to the pasture.
    If the Club needs me as a witness, I’ll be glad to tell ’em what I know of Pat.
    Mel “Vendor” Cipher

    • Sally Jesse
    • April 1st, 2008

    Looks like she’s modified The Shocker. Please tell her there are only TWO holes.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(hand_gesture)

    • Silky
    • April 2nd, 2008

    Is she the former poster girl for that great beer of yesteryear, Olde Frothingslosh?

    • Dan
    • November 20th, 2008

    What the hell? How can she have deformed her right hand by clapping? They can’t be THAT good surely?! What a tard

    • thatguy
    • December 30th, 2008

    Oh MY GOD!!! *gasp* HOLY SHIT HER HAND IS SOOOOOOOO DEFORMED!!! AND YES IT IS TOTALLY THE RED SOXES FAULT!!! DAMN THEM!!!! seriously though this is officially the most retarded thing I have ever heard in my entire life!

  1. For your information, I was hungry. I also have a disease where my body needed the screwed up proteins that they put in hot dogs. Yes, that means the proteins in penis’s.
    FYI, I am OBVIOUSLY a women. I am one big beautiful person.
    P.S. I have such sexy curves that you shouldn’t judge what I do. All kinds of men/women love me. Eat it up.

      • Hot dog hater
      • May 12th, 2010

      I just threw up in my mouth a bit…..The thought of you naked is just gross.

  1. May 7th, 2009

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